Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Hoe
I always figured I was in the wrong profession. Not that I’ll even get away with trying to sell my body. A sell-by date doesn’t even apply in my case. I doubt that I’d ever pass any type of screening that would declare me fit for purpose for what seems to be a very lucrative trade in austere times.
Legend has it that there’s only 2 professions in the world that are recession proof. Being an undertaker and prostitution. You’ll never run out of a ready customer base willing to pay the going rate for services rendered.
But of course once in a while someone just takes the piss and redefines their own rules in the market. Take poor old Dawn. She thought she’d hit the jackpot, but didn’t account for her client being a thief. For the record, whoever pays for sex to the tune of £1.7 million in less than 3 years deserves to be locked up in prison and the keys thrown away. That kind of stupidity endangers the human gene pool.
It’s bad enough that the guy steals over £3 million from his employer, but he should have been executed for the manner in which he spent the proceeds of the heist.
The lady argues that her sexual services were value for money and the guy was prepared to pay the market rate – a rate her accountant estimates at about £20,000 a week. Even the judge in this case hard a problem with that appraisal of the defendants market value as a professional provider of horizontal refreshments. Which makes you really ask the question – is any pussy worth circa £3K a day? The law of the land clearly thinks not.
But then again, what price do you put on someone being a platinum idiot and agreeing to pay that amount. The lady is clearly aggrieved that she’s losing the fruits of her loins, literally – but you really can’t argue about a judge clawing back the proceeds of crime. It’s forbidden fruit.
My take – she should have hired a more savvy accountant to keep her hard earned money away from the long arm of the criminal justice system. There’s nothing that’s more of a bastard than thinking you’ve earned £1.7 million for a judge to tell you “actually, sweet heart – you need to pay that shit back”.
Or maybe she should have opted to become an undertaker. There are no grey areas when it comes to splitting hairs over the prices of the services rendered.
So I’ve also joined this twitter thing. I’m told its safer and more sane than MKZ – but what do I know. You can follow me on twitter and find out whether I get the hang of it.
November 12th, 2011 at 7:32 pm
yay..we’re blogging again! That woman should have hidden that cash very very far..tho maybe she didn’t know it was stolen.
Will follow on twitter
November 13th, 2011 at 10:22 am
Ati she didn’t know it was stolen. She was charging a weekly fee that was more than this guy earned in 6 months. Where did she think the money was coming from.
But I agree, she should have got a better accountant to show her how to hide the stash. This is one case the matress rules. For keeping the money of course.
November 13th, 2011 at 8:14 pm
Glad you’re blogging again =) As for this story, I still say if you can’t make a lawyer or doctor refund fees paid by a drug lord, you shouldn’t be able to bother a wh*** about it. But then again, the law is a donkey sometimes, so hopefully her other clients pay this well and she can recover the loss in a finger-snap. Hopefully.
November 13th, 2011 at 8:37 pm
She has an accountant? They keep accounts? To keep track of a single asset? Oh, and overheads of course. Cost of condoms and yogurt. Welcome to Twitter. No we shall not go on and on about how late you are for the party.
November 13th, 2011 at 8:50 pm
And depreciation of said asset. Wait. .. did you say an accountant or a doctor?
shikomsa´s last [type] ..Ladygay….
November 14th, 2011 at 7:06 am
Hahaha! Shiko, I;m asking myself the same questions and thinking..”How cool!” in my head! Even in my noble profession I don’t have an accountant.
Mr. Stone, I’ll follow you on twitter, welcome to the dark side.
November 14th, 2011 at 7:50 am
@Kbaab.
Noble is relative my dear. You’ll be surprised what people will rationalize as noble.
@Shiko – I tell you what baffles me is the perceived market rate of the said goods taking into account depreciation and the fact that she was at least 34 when the transaction started. Lakini hata kama her vagina ina gorofa, how can you justify charging that amount of money. That thing isn’t soap, haimaliziki.
@3CB – the judge actually clarified that he’s not asking for her to repay what is reasonable market value which he estimated at 10% of what she charged. So she’s not required to reimburse the proportion of what she is considered to have legitimately earned by selling her goods. The money they want back is the inflated portion.
November 15th, 2011 at 10:40 am
Welcome back to blogging! Twitter too!
Si even the comments have killed me! “Lakini hata kama her vagina ina gorofa”. Dead…all I can say is some men are idiots.. Its never that serious..
November 18th, 2011 at 7:09 am
“….professional provider of horizontal refreshments.” LOL!!
Enyewe she should have known there was something ‘off’….£3K a week for horizontal refreshments is pushing it. She should have known to stash away that money all over the place.
November 24th, 2011 at 12:08 am
Woo hoo….look who is back.
Had you on my reader for a while, just havent had the time to read.
Now that I have…..glad to see you are back and joined the rest of us on being twits…..hehehe! (had to use it in a sentence)
Ati who had and accountant? And she was charging how much per day? Am I allowed to change professions?
Let me consult hubby. Perhaps he could be my accountant/manager…..aka PIMP! lol
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