The drama of having kids
I rarely get giggles or motivation from forwards sent to me with a threatening “you will forward this to 25 people or else you will die” type of e-mails.
This one caught my attention though as it’s not only true to life, it’s also hilarious. And my buddy who sent it didn’t threaten me with something dodgy if I didn’t send it on. Any parent will relate to this. Enjoy:
Birth order of children
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your doctor confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
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Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don’t bother because you remember that last time breathing didn’t do a thing.
3rd baby : You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
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The Layette :
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes, colour coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?
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Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress–a whimper, a frown–you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
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Dummy:
1st baby: If the dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle..
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
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Nappies:
1st baby: You change your baby’s nappy every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
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Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
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Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached…
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
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At Home:
1st baby : You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
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November 22nd, 2009 at 11:27 pm
Hahaha!
Not a dad (yet. Knocks on wood) but LOLing my rear off here.
I come from a polygamous family and vividly remember my step-mother religiously using some newfangled baby-bottle sterilising contraption for my newborn half-sister (her 2nd kid) while my mum would just hastily rinse my newborn baby brother’s bottle under the tap (her 7th and final kid). Now I know why.
November 22nd, 2009 at 11:48 pm
lol! Taking notes ..
November 23rd, 2009 at 8:12 am
I am a third child and right now I am very annoyed.LOL
December 2nd, 2009 at 8:03 am
Am a mother of one, and i can relate… I just hope it’l be the same for the other kids as it is now.. Nice one
December 3rd, 2009 at 8:21 pm
I ran here to see if there was a post on the guys at RBS claiming they will either take the bonus or walk out- mass resignation they say. I am not sure what to think. Isn’t that the people’s bank right now? Can they threaten people just like that. I love this country.
About that drink? This side of the calender ama? I am off to look at camels shortly!
3TOC´s last blog ..If you could see me now.
December 6th, 2009 at 2:51 am
My son is an only child, and now he’s gotten to teen-age, I guess chances of experiencing 2nd and 3rd are very slim. But I do very much relate to 1st baby.
In my experience, I’ve also learnt that you spend the first 2 yrs of your baby’s life saying ’say mummy, say daddy, say apple’ etc, and the next 16 yrs saying, ’shut up’.
Maua´s last blog ..God the Artist
December 6th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
3TOC my dear – I have so much to say about the RBS thieves but so little time – let’s watch and see their next move. I’m reliably told we own this bank and their assets but the sheer arrogance they show is beyond belief.
About that drink, si if you’re off to see the camels then we might have to wait until your back – otherwise, I’ll hola at the others and see what’s cutting.
@Maua. I used to work with this lady who told us a story about her sister’s kid. When the boy was young, she couldn’t stop talking about how she wanted the boy to be a doctor or lawyer or investment banker. By the time he was 19, she just wanted him to stay out of jail.
January 14th, 2010 at 8:11 am
I know discussion is long closed but I was going through all your articles just the same and enjoying reading them.
savvy´s last blog ..Harambee Stars Vs Indomitable Lions