STONE COLD HAVEN

Train journeys can be as much of a pain as they are comical. There are indeed some strange characters who frequent this mode of transport, and perhaps I should include myself in this category. My M.O is straight forward – get comfortable, hook on the IPOD and resurface when the announcement for my station blasts over the tanoi. I don’t blame anyone for considering this anti-social, but my defence is that it’s probably the most normal thing to do considering I didn’t get on a train to meet people and chin wag the way to my destination.

Sometimes you just want some quiet and some private head space to contemplate stuff. Usually, it’s taxi drivers who can’t get the concept of leaving a passenger alone wanting to eagerly chat to you about everything from the weather to the problems that immigrants are bringing to the beloved British isles. Every once in a while though, you’re forced to become a third party to a telephone conversation on the train that let’s face it, you really don’t want to be part of.

I took my seat across the table from a “quietish” young woman who was busy reading some magazine or something. Even when the conductor approached us for tickets, she was very soft spoken when responding and asking about something or the other. The hits started rolling when her phone violently vibrated on the table and started ringing.

I don’t know what it was that ticked me off instantly. Maybe it was the fact that she left it there wringing for what seemed to be ages so that we could hear the hideous song that was her ring tone, or the fact that it was so loud, I’m sure you could hear it from outside even if the diesel powered train swept past you at 120 miles an hour.

“It’s for you”, I calmly suggested through gritted teeth.

“Oh! Shoot – I was looking for it” was the response.

Who was it who said the art of conversation was dead? Nobody told this girl.

Talk about a lack of spacial awareness and totally disregarding your surroundings. This girl just transformed into the world’s loudest gossip monger with a flip of that phone.

“C’mon C’mon. Spill it out”, she loudly blurted.

I thought the volume of the ring tone was bad, but this girl could talk for England and she wasn’t about to go shy on us.

“How was it”, followed with constant giggles of excitement only of the kind you would dare indulge when you’re alone. You could hear the groans and sighs from the other passengers in the cabin, as if willing each other for someone to wake up and slap the senses into this girl.

“So was it big?” she fearlessly asked before the middle aged woman sitting across from us decided enough was enough and respectfully reminded her that she wasn’t the only one on the train.

“Zip it luv”, was the curt and shameless response.

I was kind of pissed off with that response to tell you the truth. The lady didn’t deserve to be dismissed like that. But chatter box didn’t want to know. The giggles went on with the almost queued up remarks of “awesome”, “wow”, “your kidding me”….you know the drill.

I had one of them moments where I contemplated being arrested for assault because a combination of the girls voice, the nature of the conversation that was making everyone uncomfortable, and the volume of the conversation all conspired for me to consider sleeping in a police cell.

And she continued…“So what will you do, will you think about it?” “I don’t know, how big is it?”. “What are you going to do?”

I’d had enough by then, and before she could indulge further, I audibly interjected, “tell her to use lubrication, it makes it easier – nobody likes it too big”.

The whole cabin just cracked out in laughter. The girl was so embarrassed she picked her stuff up and moved right along probably to the next cabin.

Poetic justice I call it. The chap sitting opposite the lady who was earlier insulted for confronting the girl offered to buy me a drink.

The thing is though – she could have easily been talking about shoes or I don’t know, a bag of potatos? Who knows.

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Posted on Friday, September 4th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Filed underLakini some people..., Stone Cold Thoughts.
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