STONE COLD HAVEN

In the 1988 documentary film Michael Jackson- The Legend Continues, the narrator, actor James Earl Jones, aptly describes the fascination and mystique about Michael Jackson’s collective body of performances as a “Presentation of Showtime”. The only argument that can be levelled against this description of Michael Jackson is that his whole life was a presentation of Showtime, and not just the magic he unleashed on stage or through his signature vocals that brought to life his music that continues to transcend generations of millions of fans around the world.

It’s hard to truly appreciate both the magnetism and the reality of such a statement until you personally experience the magic of an individual who has most definitely earned the right to be considered the greatest entertainer on earth. Not many people had the privilege of witnessing in person, the phenomenon that is “Whacko Jacko”, and for those who did, they will continue to bear witness to a magnificent talent and a consummate professional who despite being deeply troubled, arguably gave up any semblance of a normal life to provide the world with the gift of music that is destined to be immortal in its truest sense.

What can you say about such a person? The first thing that comes to mind for me is the sadness this brings and the profound irony that in death, Michael Jackson is literally uniting the world as hundreds of millions of fans and non-fans alike from all corners of the world, mourn the passing of the greatest superstar we will ever know, yet Michael died a very sad, lonely and broken man.

A lot has been written out there about every aspect of the saga of Michael’s life and death, and as a shameless fan of the man and his music, I would be lying if I said I haven’t been affected by his demise. Perhaps there’s nothing as therapeutic as expressing in my own words, my experiences and how the man, his life and his music influenced me. Call it my own little Stone Cold tribute to the enigma that is Whacko Jacko!

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It was only a matter of time before people decided to unleash their own brand of justice on those who transgressed against them and brought down the financial system that wiped out their lifelong savings.

This one is the stuff of legend…and what Hollywood is made of – not the typical and predictable attacks on the luxury home of say the disgraced and former RBS CEO Fred the shred. Sir Fred not only shafted his RBS employees, but laughed all the way to the bank with a platinum pension as a reward for breathtaking incompetence, so it wouldn’t be unusual to register a vigilante attack on his property by say a disgruntled former employee of RBS or something….

But a group of senior citizens in their 70’s in Germany decided that natural justice was the only course of action for a financial investor who lost £2 million of their lifelong savings by gambling it on the markets. Not only did they kidnap and torture the poor bastard, they chased him down the street and bundled him back into a car when he tried to escape. You’ve got to love that.

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The other night I was watching an episode of NCIS on TV, which was uncharacteristically eerie and was full of scenes from a funeral home, corpses cut up into meat puzzles, and teeth removed from someone alive to be superglued into a burnt out corpse to give the impression that someone was dead – and could then be falsely identified as dead through the dental records matched to the corpse.

I like NCIS because Mark Harmon who plays Leroy Jethro Gibbs is one of my favourite actors. I like his ice cold demeanour and very dry sense of humour and the ruthless way he manages his navy cops. In this particular episode, they were trying to stop a fucked up family of morticians from draining the blood out of the NCIS medical examiner before mutilating his body in a spiteful and vengeful attack.

For one brief moment, I entertained the thought of putting my bank manager through that experience. I rationalized my thoughts by accepting that some people are only alive because it’s illegal to kill – but my thoughts were possibly more sinister. I didn’t want her to die or anything, just figured that maybe changing her blood would give her a warmer personality and reasoning capacity. So far in my interactions with her, her personality ranked somewhere between that of an asparagus and a fence post, but I was determined not to let her break me down.

I removed the thought of enacting the gory scene from NCIS least because I probably wouldn’t give her a blood transfusion, but pump her body with formalin instead. I’m reliably told that a small matter of law suggests that to be on the right side of the criminal justice system, someone needs to be certified as dead first (preferably by a coroner) before an infusion of formalin into their bloodless body. Injecting formalin into someone still alive constitutes an act of unlawful killing, though the argument as to whether this is murder or manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility due to a mental disease or defect is a matter for litigation.

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I’ve always believed in the notion of never under-estimating the power of stupid people in large numbers. Contrary to what conventional wisdom will suggest, a collection of stupid folks can unleash the most unpredictable results, but every once in a while, there are cases that defy the very boundearies that we are prepared to tolerate.

Take the story of this group of Chinese folks.

About 20 folks were conned into believing they were now citizens of the UK with a lavish ceremony, national anthem, loyalty pledge, and a fake Home Secretary to boot. How is it possible that folks can be stupid enough to pay a premium of £20,000 for the privlige of being a subject of Aunt Liz? Forget I asked…..Maybe there’s some really stupid folks out there.

But you’ve got to admire the entreprenurial spirit of the conman who literally staged a believable citizenship ceremony right outside the Palace of Westminster – and even conned actors to be fake immigration officials, a fake government minister and fake security guards…You’ve got to love it.
Just for the sheer audacity of this stunt, it was a shame that the conman didn’t get away with it. and just for the sheer stupidity of these 20 Chinese folks, they should have lost all their money.